


Life is a Dance

by NymeriaSparks (orphan_account)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Death, Depression, Depressive Thoughts, Funeral, Sad, Songfic, death mention, feelings of being a burden, sad thoughts, tw depression, tw funerals?, vent - Freeform, ventfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:15:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25302919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/NymeriaSparks
Summary: I've poured out my heart 'til there's nothing inside, but this empty shell remains...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R53Yuk6j0cA
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	Life is a Dance

_Life is a dance_  
Why did he even try?  
_I don’t understand_  
It didn't make sense but that didn't matter.  
_That I just have to know._  
Every time he tried to do something, it ended in shambles, in disaster for everyone around them.  
_What can be done_ ,  
Every time it happened, he tried to move on, but their mind kept repeating everything he'd done  
_do I take a chance,_  
Every time he got up again, he was bruised  
_Or should, I let, it go?_  
But he couldn't show it.

**He was weighing down the group already.**

  
_And face tomorrow,_  
He wished he could show it, just for once  
_wishing for love,_  
To have a tiny shred of the comfort everyone around them seemed to enjoy  
_hoping today today, it will find me,_  
It was like he was dying, slowly choking on the very thing he gave so freely  
_Will it be brought,_  
Freedom comes at a price, and he took it upon himself to bear it  
_on the wings of a dove,_  
Yet some part of him still yearned to be held  
_searching for my heart._  
Undeserving as he was.

  
**Something was missing and he knew it. He craved it desperately.**

 _Most of the time,_  
He knew the painful truth: Without them, he was nothing.  
_I pretend not to see,_  
He crumbled like a two-dollar suitcase once the smile he'd plastered on his face faded.  
_‘Cause it helps me hide,_  
It wasn't them. No, they didn't know. Why would they? He strove every moment to hide it.  
_the pain._  
It was his burden to bear, his alone. No one in his past nor his present was to blame. And he had to face that.

**It was not unlike an intervention, like quitting a drug. He was the only one who could help himself.**

 _I’ve poured out my heart,_  
It still hurt bad, though.  
_Til there’s nothing inside,_  
Every night he had to fight, both to keep himself alive and to kill his mind.  
_But this empty shell,_  
He didn't know what he wanted. Did he want to die? Did he want to live? He couldn't tell.  
_remains._  
His disgust grew at himself every time he failed to resolve the conflicting ideas in his head.

**A season came and went, and though his mind was changing, it always resolved in the same place as before.**

 _Life is a dance,_  
Life was still moving.  
_I don’t understand,_  
He enjoyed becoming new, becoming fresh, becoming different.  
_Moving, to,_  
He'd lost a lot, but in his heart he knew it wasn't his choice.  
_and fro._  
He'd been caught in the current and forced into it.  
_What can I do,_  
It seemed extreme, but he had to take even more from himself. He had to have control.  
_do I have a chance,_  
He wondered yet again that if he could- if they could- if it would make a difference.  
_to let another know?_  
No, he had to do this himself. For himself.

**No matter if anyone even noticed a difference.**

  
_They can laugh at the stars,_  
Everyone else he saw had it together  
_They can dance in the rain._  
Everyone else knew the right thing to say  
_Where is the love,_  
Everyone else got by just fine, and all he could do was hug his knees to his chest and try to cry because he would never be them  
_that will show me,_  
The tears never came anymore, he'd shooed them away for so long  
_that I’ll never be,_  
He was left numb by the fact that he couldn't cry. He couldn't cry.   
_left standing alone,_  
Was he serious?  
_searching for,_  
Was he even human?  
_my heart._  
What if he was a monster?

**What if it wasn't real?**

**What if it wasn't real?**

 _Life is a dance,_  
He didn't even know how to dance  
_the music has stopped._  
Why couldn't he realize it was over?  
_Why,_  
It  
_do my feet,_  
Was just  
_keep moving._  
Over.  
_Leading my heart,_  
Pain was supposed to die once it was over.  
_‘Til it’s never far._  
The dull, agonizing ache gave him hope and grief at the same time.  
_Searching for a heart._  
Maybe if he'd looked up, he could have seen the stars.

**But the only stars he saw, he gained by throwing himself at the wall until the shelves dealt him more bruises than any broken heart.**

_"I can laugh at the stars,"_  
He sobbed brokenly in the dark.  
_"I can dance in the rain."_  
He could be whatever you needed him to be.  
_"I’ll find the love that will show me,"_  
He swore to himself he'd never go back to what he'd been.  
_"That I’ll never be left standing alone"_  
He swore he'd be something or die trying.  
_"Searching for"_  
He couldn't be still any longer.  
_"a heart."_  
Grief and agony swarmed his mind every moment of the night.

**It was only eleven p.m.**

_That I’ll never be,_  
A sad requiem  
_left standing alone,_   
Only a sad, water-streaked journal.  
_searching for,_  
Only a few bars of song, written in the shaky handwriting of a dead man.  
_my heart._  
A song of sorrow and love and a million other things that had evaporated into the air.

**_ He was finally free._ **

_That I’ll never be,_  
_left standing alone,_  
_searching for,_  
_my heart._


End file.
